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TITLE: UNCLES JOSH'S PUNKIN CENTRE STORIES
AUTHOR: CAL STEWART
EBOOK: E03415 (O'Briens Book Cellar)

Uncles Josh's Punkin Centre Stories by Cal Stewart

Uncles Josh's
Punkin Centre Stories

By Cal Stewart

Preface

To the Reader.

The one particular object in writing this
book is to furnish you with an occasional
laugh, and the writer with an occasional
dollar. If you get the laugh you have your
equivalent, and the writer has his.

In Uncle Josh Weathersby you have a
purely imaginary character, yet one true to
life. A character chuck full of sunshine and
rural simplicity. Take him as you find him,
and in his experiences you will observe there
is a bright side to everything.

Sincerely Yours
Cal Stewart

Contents
PREFACE

LIFE SKETCH OF AUTHOR

MY OLD YALLER ALMANAC

ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK

UNCLE JOSH IN SOCIETY

UNCLE JOSH IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY

UNCLE JOSH IN A MUSEUM

UNCLE JOSH IN WALL STREET

UNCLE JOSH AND THE FIRE DEPARTMENT

UNCLE JOSH IN AN AUCTION ROOM

UNCLE JOSH ON A FIFTH AVENUE 'BUS

UNCLE JOSH IN A DEPARTMENT STORE

UNCLE JOSH'S COMMENTS ON THE SIGNS SEEN IN NEW YORK

UNCLE JOSH ON A STREET CAR

MY FUST PAIR OF COPPER TOED BOOTS

UNCLE JOSH IN POLICE COURT

UNCLE JOSH AT CONEY ISLAND

UNCLE JOSH AT THE OPERA

UNCLE JOSH AT DELMONICO'S

IT IS FALL

SI PETTINGILL'S BROOMS

UNCLE JOSH PLAYS GOLF

JIM LAWSON'S HOGS

UNCLE JOSH AND THE LIGHTNING ROD AGENT

A MEETING OF THE ANNANIAS CLUB

JIM LAWSON'S HOSS TRADE

A MEETING OF THE SCHOOL DIRECTORS

THE WEEKLY PAPER AT PUNKIN CENTRE

UNCLE JOSH AT A CAMP MEETING

THE UNVEILING OF THE ORGAN

UNCLE JOSH PLAYS A GAME OF BASE BALL

THE PUNKIN CENTRE AND PAW PAW VALLEY RAILROAD

UNCLE JOSH ON A BICYCLE

A BAPTISIN' AT THE HICKORY CORNERS CHURCH

A REMINISCENCE OF MY RAILROAD DAYS

UNCLE JOSH AT A CIRCUS

UNCLE JOSH INVITES THE CITY FOLKS TO VISIT HIM

YOSEMITE JIM, OR A TALE OF THE GREAT WHITE DEATH

UNCLE JOSH WEATHERSBY'S TRIP TO BOSTON

WHO MARCHED IN SIXTY-ONE

Life Sketch of Author

THE author was born in Virginia, on a little
patch of land, so poor we had to fertilize it
to make brick. Our family, while having cast
their fortunes with the South, was not a family
ruined by the war; we did not have
anything when the war commenced, and
so we held our own. I secured a common
school education, and at the age of
twelve I left home, or rather home left me
--things just petered out. I was slush cook
on an Ohio River Packet; check clerk in a
stave and heading camp in the knobs of
Tennessee, Virginia and Georgia; I helped
lay the track of the M. K. & T. R. R., and
was chambermaid in a livery stable. Made
my first appearance on the stage at the National
Theatre in Cincinnati, Ohio, and have
since then chopped cord wood, worked in a
coal mine, made cross ties (and walked
them), worked on a farm, taught a district
school (made love to the big girls), run a
threshing machine, cut bands, fed the machine
and ran the engine. Have been a
freight and passenger brakeman, fired and
ran a locomotive; also a freight train conductor
and check clerk in a freight house;
worked on the section; have been a shot gun
messenger for the Wells, Fargo Company.
Have been with a circus, minstrels, farce
comedy, burlesque and dramatic productions;
have been with good shows, bad
shows, medicine shows, and worse, and
some shows where we had landlords singing
in the chorus. Have played variety houses
and vaudeville houses; have slept in a box
car one night, and a swell hotel the next;
have been a traveling salesman (could spin
as many yarns as any of them). For the past
four years have made the Uncle Josh stories
for the talking machine. The Lord only
knows what next!

My Old Yaller Almanac
Hangin' on the
Kitchen Wall

I'M sort of fond of readin' one
thing and another,

So I've read promiscus like
whatever cum my way,

And many a friendly argument's cum up 'tween
me and mother,

'Bout things that I'd be readin' settin' round
a rainy day.

 Sometimes it jist seemed to me thar wa'nt
no end of books,

 Some made fer useful readin' and some jist
made fer looks;

 But of all the different books I've read,
thar's none comes up at all

 To My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' on
the Kitchen Wall.

 I've always liked amusement, of the good
and wholesome kind,

 It's better than a doctor, and it elevates the
mind;

 So, often of an evening, when the farm
chores all were done,

 I'd join the games the boys would play, gosh
how I liked the fun;

 And once thar wuz a minstrel troop, they
showed at our Town Hall,

 A jolly lot of fellers, 'bout twenty of 'em all.


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