>>> YOU ARE VIEWING A 200 LINE SAMPLE OF EBOOK# E02574 <<< TITLE: IF AUTHOR: LORD DUNSANY EBOOK: E02574 (O'Briens Book Cellar) If by Lord Dunsany [Edward John Plunkett] DRAMATIS PERSONAE JOHN BEAL MARY BEAL LIZA ALI BERT, BILL: two railway porters THE MAN IN THE CORNER MIRALDA CLEMENT HAFIZ EL ALCOLAHN DAOUD ARCHIE BEAL BAZZALOL, THOOTHOOBABA: two Nubian door-keepers BEN HUSSEIN, Lord of the Pass ZABNOOL, SHABEESH: two conjurers OMAR, a singer ZAGBOOLA, mother of Hafiz THE SHEIK OF THE BISHAREENS Notables, soldiers, Bishareens, dancers, etc. IF ACT I SCENE 1 A small railway station near London. Time: Ten years ago. BERT 'Ow goes it, Bill? BILL Goes it? 'Ow d'yer think it goes? BERT I don't know, Bill. 'Ow is it? BILL Bloody. BERT Why? What's wrong? BILL Wrong? Nothing ain't wrong. BERT What's up then? BILL Nothing ain't right. BERT Why, wot's the worry? BILL Wot's the worry? They don't give you better wages nor a dog, and then they thinks they can talk at yer and talk at yer, and say wot they likes, like. BERT Why? You been on the carpet, Bill? BILL Ain't I! Proper. BERT Why, wot about, Bill? BILL Wot about? I'll tell yer. Just coz I let a lidy get into a train. That's wot about. Said I ought to 'av stopped 'er. Thought the train was moving. Thought it was dangerous. Thought I tried to murder 'er, I suppose. BERT Wot? The other day? BILL Yes. BERT Tuesday? BILL Yes. BERT Why. The one that dropped her bag? BILL Yes. Drops 'er bag. Writes to the company. They writes back she shouldn't 'av got in. She writes back she should. Then they gets on to me. Any more of it and I'll... BERT I wouldn't, Bill; don't you. BILL I will. BERT Don't you, Bill. You've got your family to consider. BILL Well, anyway, I won't let any more of them passengers go jumping into trains any more, not when they're moving, I won't. When the train gets in, doors shut. That's the rule. And they'll 'ave to abide by it. BERT Well, I wouldn't stop one, not if... BILL I don't care. They ain't going to 'ave me on the mat again and talk all that stuff to me. No, if someone 'as to suffer . . . 'Ere she is. [Noise of approaching train heard.] BERT Ay, that's her. BILL And shut goes the door. [Enter JOHN BEAL.] BERT Wait a moment, Bill. BILL Not if he's . . . Not if he was ever so. JOHN [preparing to pass] Good morning. . . . BILL Can't come through. Too late. JOHN Too late? Why, the train's only just in. BILL Don't care. It's the rule. JOHN O, nonsense. [He carries on.] <<< END OF SAMPLE... (THE FULL EBOOK HAS 118163 TOTAL CHARACTERS) >>>