>>> YOU ARE VIEWING A 200 LINE SAMPLE OF EBOOK# E00692 <<< TITLE: PUNCH, 1917.07.04, VOL. 153, ISSUE NO. 1 AUTHOR: VARIOUS EBOOK: E00692 (O'Briens Book Cellar) Vol. 153. [Illustration] * * * * * Punch 1917.07.04 [Illustration: VOL. CLIII] * * * * * MENTIONED IN DESPATCHES. The oldest inhabitant sat on a bench in the sun, the day's newspaper spread across his knees, and the newest visitor sat beside him. "He do be mentioned in despatches, do our Billy, by Sir DOUGLAS HAIG himself. If it hadn't a-been for him, where'd the Army been? he says. I knowed him ever since I come to these parts, and that weren't yesterday. He'd come round that there bend a-whistling, not sort o' cockahoop, like some does, but just a cheery sort o' 'Here I am again;' and he'd always stop most anywhere, if so be as you held up your hand. "I've seed ladies with their golf-clubs runnin' up from the club-house, and he'd just sort of whistle to show as he seed them, and wait for them as perlite as any gentleman. For it do be powerful hot to walk back home with your golf-clubs after two rounds; I was a caddy, I was, 'fore I went on the line, so I knows what I'm telling you. "It didn't make no difference if they was champions or duffers what couldn't carry the burn not if they tried all day. Or if it were an old woman a-goin' back from market with all her cabbages and live ducks and eggs and onions--it were all just the same to little Billy. "Then I mind the day he was took. George he come up and tells me as they have took Billy because the Army wants all it can get. I was fair knocked over, and him so little and all. "Then the Captain, what was the best golfer here, come back for leave. "'Grandpa,' says he, same as he always call me--'Grandpa,' he says, 'I've been thinking about Billy all the time I've been out, and longing to hear him whistle again, and now I'm home and he's gone. I shall have to get back to France again to see him.' "So he will, Sir, and if Billy was going up right under the German guns it's my belief as Captain would get out of his trench to go and see him. "What regiment is Billy in, did you say, Sir? Why, he got no regiment. Ain't I been telling you, Sir, 'Puffing Billy' is what our golfers here call the little train what used to run six times a day from the town to the links. Just see what the paper says, Sir. I don't be much of a reader, but hark ye to this: 'I wish also to place on record here the fact that the successful solution of the problem of railway transport would have been impossible had it not been for the patriotism of the railway companies at home. They did not hesitate to give up their locomotives and rolling stock.' "That's 'Puffing Billy,' Sir, him what I've put the signal down for hundreds an' hundreds of times. I miss him powerful bad, but the Army wanted him, and we've been and got some thanks too. I'm proud to think my Billy's in the paper." * * * * * THE MELTING-POT. ["The municipality of Rothausen has decided to present to the collection of metal which is being made in Germany its monument of Kaiser WILLIAM THE FIRST."--_Reuter_.] Heavy is Armageddon's price And loud the call to sacrifice; All stuff composed of likely metals-- Door-knockers, hairpins, cans and kettles-- Into the War's insatiate melting-pot Has to be shot. That was a hard and bitter blow When first your church-bells had to go-- Those saintly bells that rang carillons While in the maw of happy millions Pure joy and gratitude to Heaven thrilled For babies killed. It hurt your Christian hearts to melt A source of faith so keenly felt; And now (worse sacrilege than that) you Propose to take yon regal statue, That godlike effigy, and make a gun Of WILLIAM ONE! What will _He_ say when you reduce His Relative to cannon-juice? The prospect must be pretty rotten If thus the Never-To-Be-Forgotten Is treated, like the corpses of your friends, For useful ends. I hear the ALL-HIGHEST mutter, "Ha! They're liquefying Grandpapa! The nation's needs, that grow acuter, Count sacred things as so much pewter; Even my holy crown may go some day Down the red way!" O.S. * * * * * LE SENEGALAIS. Samedou Kieta sat up in bed with a child's primer open before him. "M--A," he spelled. Then, after an incredibly long time of patient puzzling, "M--A--MA. Oui, MA. Y a bon!" and embraced the whole ward in one wide white grin before turning to the next syllable, "M--A--N." Once more the puzzled frown on the black face, once more the whispered hints from neighbouring beds, once more the triumph of perseverance, "M--A--N--MAN!" He was just enjoying his success and chanting his pidgin-French paean of happiness, "Y a bon! Y a bon!" when Soeur Antoinette paused by his bed. "Tres bien, Sidi," she said, "mais il faut les mettre ensemble," and with her white finger she guided his black one back to the first syllable. Here was difficulty indeed! He knew all right that M--A--N was MAN, but what was M--A? And when, after intense effort, he re-discovered that M--A spelled MA, it was only to find that he had forgotten what M--A--N spelled. At last the other wounded could contain themselves no longer, and the ward was filled with laughing shouts of "Maman!" in which Samedou joined most happily. Presently the English nurse passed the negro's bed, and he at once turned to another branch of learning. "Good morning," he said, and, when she smiled back a greeting to him, he added, "T'ank you," and looked proudly round him at his fellow-patients as who should say, "See how we understand one another, she and I!" During a sojourn of many months in the hospital Samedou invariably met the sufferings he was called upon to endure with an uncomplaining fortitude, which might have seemed due to insensibility had not the staff had ample proof that his silence was the silence of a fine courage. On one occasion a set of photographs of the hospital was in preparation, and when the _salle de pansements_ had to be taken the photographer decided that the best lay figure for his _mise-en-scene_ would be a black man, as a striking contrast to the white raiment of the staff. So Samedou was carried in on a stretcher and laid upon the table. Unfortunately the surgeons and nurses were so occupied with the business of placing things in the best light that no one realised that the poor Senegalese did not understand the purpose of the preparations, and when the English nurse was called to take up her position she noticed the hands of Samedou Kieta clutching the sides of the table and his black eyes rolling in a sea of white. She at once ran to the nearest ward. "Quelqu'un voudrait bien me preter une photographie?" she asked, and a dozen eager hands offered her the treasured groups of _la famille_. Taking one at random she returned to Samedou and held it before his eyes. "Nous aussi," she said, "toi, moi, le Major, l'infirmier." Samedou looked, and a heavenly relief chased the tension from his face. "Y a bon," he said happily. "Toi, bon camarade!" When his wounds began to be less painful the problem was how to keep the Sidi in bed. No one cared to be very severe with him, so the staff resorted to the usual weak method of confiscating all his clothes save a shirt, and hoping for the best. But one day the English nurse, going unexpectedly into a distant ward, came upon Samedou Kieta, simply dressed in a single shirt and a bandage, visiting the freshly-arrived wounded and scattering wide grins around him. At her horrified exclamation he began to shrivel away towards the door, ushering himself out with the propitiatory words, "Good morning. Good night. T'ank you. Water!" A most effectual method of disarming reproof. Poor Samedou has since passed on to another hospital for electric treatment, but the staff still treasures his first and only letter:-- "Moi, Samedou Kieta, arrive a l'autre hopital. Y a bon. Mais moi, Samedou Kieta, toi pas oublie. Merci, Monsieur le Major deux galons. Merci, Soeur Antoinette. Merci, Madame l'Anglaise. Y a bon. Y a bon. Y a bon." * * * * * "The Germans have suffered 100,000 casualties in 10 days on the western front, and their losses will increase rapidly. They must shorten their lives wherever possible in order to save men."--_Ceylon Morning Leader._ In this laudable endeavour they may count upon receiving the hearty assistance of the Allies. * * * * * "Young gentleman (21), good family, strong, healthy, public school, O.T.C., Varsity education, speaks English, French, Spanish perfectly, engineering training, efficient car driver and mechanic, <<< END OF SAMPLE... (THE FULL EBOOK HAS 66908 TOTAL CHARACTERS) >>>